Overwhelm

There is something about being in the presence --physically or virtually-- of someone who has, has done, or is in the process of doing something I really want to do that completely zaps me of all ambition to move forward and do it myself.

It just seems so confusing and out of reach.  I'm either physically or mentally held back.  In some cases, I know what needs to be done, I just can't seem to actually do it.  Or, I get overwhelmed by all of the options of "the best way" to get to where I want to go.  Or more often, I want it done now without the work because I cannot see distance.  I tend to be nearsighted with my life.  

I know this is likely my ADHD taking over my mental state.  I hyper-focus on a topic, come up with a very chaotic "plan" of options I could do, and either try to do them all at once and get overwhelmed and eventually it all falls apart, OR, I look at them all at once and get overwhelmed without even trying. It is entirely exhausting. 

Even worse, it can even make me feel like a failure.

****   Some day I'll get over my mental block. For now, I'll just let you into that part of my brain, and pray you'll understand.